i love him

Havin some tots juz now.. Thinkin about me and him. This boy realli made me love him so much till im willing to giv up everything for him, but at the same time i know i will leave him one day. Or he will leave me soon.. The main problem is i don't wish to leave him, i still love him alot after so many things happened. I aborted our baby for him becos he don't wish to take up the responsibility. Close frens are tellin me i shld leave him, i deserve a better person. He cannot give me anything, even basic commitments he cant gave me. He told me before the both of us are impossible at all, we can only be fling. All these words hurt, i hided my feelins deeply, i lied to myself each and everyday that as long as he still besides me, im willing to accept everything, every mistakes he made.
Whenever im overseas shoppin ard, the first thing i wanna get is a present for him. Once im done with that, i will shop for other love ones ard me.
I hate bein struck in this situation! I hate myself bein unable to leave him..