very sad

Nv tot of i will ever thinkin of cryin onboard again.. I went to work this morning with a heavy heart. I didn's slp the whole night.. i cried till no voice.. i cannot smile as usual.. i juz try my very best to survive thruout the whole flt, tryin my best to stay professional but i cant.. when im servin meals to paxs, my mind is filled with words he sms-ed mi this morning.. my tears seems like goin to roll down my cheeks anytime. I holded back each n everytime. I realli wanted to cry but at the same time i scare my action will scared the whole set of crews and made them worried. I cant eat anything.. i felt so weak.. i juz wan to smoke..

He called mi last late night, our conversion didnt last long. It ended with i hanged down his call as i realli too fed up. He said my actions made him scare of me.. this is realli too harsh for mi to handle. I didnt expect a person tat is so close to me sayin all these to me. Immediately, i cried. This morning he sms-ed mi words tat realli hurts mi. Blaming mi i shldnt say his fren irritating.. i dun understand y he is so protective towards HER. Now im sure, in his heart, shes more impt. I am juz a nobody. He said he care for mi n everything, all these words had become meaningless. If he realli care, he shld know how i realli feel. I am so unsecured.. felt so treatened!

I had nv ever encounter such problem in my life.. i dunno how shld i react, how shld i handle. I am at my lost end. I told him i dun wish to fight over this issue anymore, i take up all the blames. Im miserable.

Back to my flt today, as weather is too bad till the pilots had to do reject landing.. this is not my first time experience this but today somehow i wish y not juz land n let mi die.. life had been too much for mi to handle.. i gt another early mornin flt to do for tml morning..