sad again

I cried the whole yesterday night because he went out with her again. Although this time round is he told me himself but i still as upset as before. The sadness didn't decrease. When i see his sms last night while i was about to sleep, my tears immediately rolled down. I tried to accept they are really friends but my inner self keep telling me that they are not. I was very happy that April is willing to be my listen ears and after smsing with her, i feel abit better. Her words encouraged me! I can only accept the fact now is i can never stop him from going out with her.
Call me a selfish fellow whatever. I do not feel good too for making him losing a friend but i don't want to betray my own feelings.
I am very stressed up and today while i am doing my standby, my whole mind is messed up and all i can think of smoking. Believing that smoking i can numb myself but seriously it didn't help. I keep thinking am i really so worthless that i cannot even request for a small favour from him.
The only thing that brighten me up abit today is i get to see Judy for awhile before she set off for her LA flight.
Once again, April thanks for being with me last night!