It should be this way

Today i am suppose to meet one of my friend from Rome. Infact, i shouldn't address him as my friend because i've only seen him once and frankly speaking i cannot remember how he look like. All i know is he's an Italian.
To my surprise, he actually sms-ed me happy birthday this year and asked me to meet up with him today. I was in a very happy mood therefore i agreed to meet him but after some thoughts, i decided not to meet him.
I lied to him my grandpa passed away in malaysia and i have to rush down to attend the funeral. I AM SUCH A BIG LIAR!!
I am sorry my 'friend', maybe you should just forget about me. Wish you all the best when you go back to Rome.

I do not feel comfortable going out with guys that i am not familiar with. I have this fear within me that have been hunting me for quite sometimes whenever a guy try to ask me out. I can come up with alot of reasons just to reject them.
People around me are telling me to open up myself but i simply cannot.
Nobody will be able to understand my fear, i simply feel like a lost child and cannot behave normally when i am out with guys.
I have got lots of things to say but i suddenly feel speechless currently. Those nightmares are all running through my mind now, so stress up!!!!
Please, i really need a memory eraser to erase off those terrible nightmares of mine.
Sob...sob... =(